Rescripting Pukar

Here is an ad for Pukar, a Bollywood blockbuster I have not seen. Cast: Anil Kapoor, Madhuri Dixit, Namrata Shirodkar, Danny Dengzongpa. Going by the poster, the plot must involve Anil Kapoor as an upright military officer, possibly an Indian Air Force guy. So why is he seen nuzzling Madhuri on the one hand and embracing Namrata on the other picture? As even today's 'farwaard' heroes cannot be allowed to twotime, therein must lie the key to the plot. Here, then, is my suggested storyline for Pukar.

Anil goes on a mission against Pakistan (it is no longer necessary in these Gadar-ridden times to be coy about identifying Pakistan as the enemy). Now if he had not returned, then it would have been his best friend (Akshay? Aamir? Sanjeev?) who would have become pally with his girlfriend, and there would be a real rumpus when Anil turns up at the wedding, head swathed in bandages. But there are two ladies here in the poster and the lone Anil, so kuch our twist hei. (Danny does not count as a sideline lover, but more of that later). So what could it be? Ah yes, Anil is indeed shot down by enemy fire, but survives but with near-total memory loss. He forgets Madhuri and develops ardour for Namrata and marries her before you can say 'Gnat'. The rapidly developing plot has Madhuri walking morosely down the Mall in Shimla (or by the Brahmaputra promenade in Guwahati, though this is unlikely), and espies the honeymooning couple. Slight problem — if Anil and Namrata were not already married in this evolving script, she could have died conveniently so that the film ends with Madhuri and Anil walking into the Shimla fog. Okay…so when Anil sees Madhuri, his past comes flooding back. Being a smart guy, he can see he has a problem. The frame is frozen, Namrata and Madhuri face off. Namrata is the more modern and hence dis-likable of the two (see how her upturned head is dangerously close to the hero's pelvic area). She shrugs and leads Anil away. Madhuri, the sati savitri, pulls her achkan to her face, sobs, and then fade to… The narration is stuck once more. We just have to kill one lady if this movie is to end, and those of us in the lower stall are getting restive for the lack of action. Let us quickly bring in Danny. For his Genghis Khan looks, Danny of Sikkim has been railroaded more than once to play the part of the ISI-supported mujahidinsurgent- infiltrator, all bald head and pulsating blood vessels. Who cares that the average mujahid looks more like Atal Behari Vajpayee than the sinister Genghis. So, Danny storms the Shimla Mall, AK-47 blazing, mowing down good citizens. Why is he doing this? He is after Anil. Why is he after Anil? Because Anil is India's best fighter pilot, stupid. And Danny is envious of Anil's great hair, which not only does his skull proudbutsprouts with abandone on his chest, back and shoulders. As Danny sprays the Mall with his Kalashnikov, Anil does a double back-flip which lands him right up on the clocktower, whence he swoops down on Danny and gives him the Hindi film-clinch used by all stars since Dilip Kumar gave it to Dara Singh in Mughal-e- Azam . More pulsating veins and bulging eyes before Danny gives up his ghost. A great ending to Pukar, you might think. But we still have two actresses alive. Think. Madhuri has already seen her best days and is nicely married to an NRI daktarsaab in real life, plus her tummy has begun to sag a wee bit. Shall we? We could have her fall off a cliff, but then that would leave Anil morose for the rest of his life and would not do in a Hindi film. Having her meet with an opportune death-dealing accident on the highway down to Chandigarh? Uh-huh. Only if we retroactively identify her as an ISI agent 'sent over' to eliminate Anil can there be an appropriate denouement. Sent over to dispatch the hero, she falls in love with him instead and was unable to pull the trigger. All problems are thus resolved. Danny is dead. For the secret agent Madhuri, there can be no death in combat, only the ignominy of suicide. So (and let us get this over with quickly) she comes up to Anil, confesses that she is ISI. She says, "Anil, I am ISI". But Anil is in a forgiving mood and reaches out to her, but behind Madhuri is a gaping void, a cliff that has suddenly presented itself. She leans back, and that's it. Namrata and Anil trudge off into the Shimla fog. Great script. Mmm hmmm…