Yashodhara – I &II

Yashodhara-IAlready she feels herselfrecede in his consciousness,as if she were an ideato which he had oncepaid lip-service,or a distant placehe had once visitedand couldno longer recall..She has ceased to exist.In her dream,light crackles like firearound his head..Trees shrivel at his approach,and thorns tear at the scabsof untended wounds..Her head aches with unshed tears.Not a look, not a word,not a backward glance.Did it all then cloy,as too-sweet fruit must,with just that fainthint of corruption ?.Moths blunder inand out of the night;hurl themselvesat the flickering lamplight..She must now put awaytheir time together,wrap it in fine silk,preserve it with sweet herbsand bitter neem..Yashodhara-II.In the palace, no one speaks above a whisper. The women avoid each other's eye as they walk past the musicians who sit beside their instruments awaiting an order that will never come. Outside the fruit trees droop, the flowers listless, the fountains still. Young girls no longer frolic in the pleasure gardens. From the inner rooms, a child cries incessantly… an agitated maid rushes out calling for a wet-nurse….I could have told you then,If you had asked,(but you never did)what most women knowwithout seeking to know..We prefer the painof being human,the bonds of attachmentthat you flee.We prefer the endless cycleof birth and deathto your inhumanand unavailing quest..What was it then,the usual male revulsionat what you had wrought,gross consequenceof a moment's pleasure ?.You loved me then,when I was slim,and could ride with you,and shoot with you,and lie with you..What was it then,amplitude of flesh,or my nerve-shredding cryor the child's pitiful wail ?My breasts are dry,there is no answer to that..They call this deliverybut not deliverance.Deliverance from what ?What else is therebut to be human ?