Over the top

In today’s Nepali Times, Rabi Thapa wrote:

From 1950 to 1990, 13 countries in Latin America, Africa and the former Soviet Union moved their capitals. Even the Indian capital moved from Calcutta to Delhi in 1911. Why not Nepal?”

I have been a big critic (like many) of the highly-centralized governance in Nepal. The result? We aren’t any better than we should have been, and the problems are plenty. The levels of disconnect and disparity between Kathmandu and the rest of the country are so high that they are like two different countries in themselves. People talk of marginalization of the Madheshi, of the Sherpas, of the Dalits, and so on. In my opinion, Nepal’s problems are not as much on ethnic grounds, as they are on regional differences. The Human Development Index (published by the UNDP) of Kathmandu district is comparable to that of South Africa, while that of Far-Western Nepal is comparable to that of Sierra-Leone. You call this class-difference or whatever, but a century of wrongs by the Bahuns and Chhetris in Kathmandu should not be the reason for the Bahuns or Chhetris in Jajarkot to be wronged for another century. Ask a Madheshi and an uneducated Chhetri from outside Kathmandu- the level of discrimination and the treatment of second-grade citizen offered by the residents of Kathmandu are more or less similar for both of them.

Level of disparity in Nepal (click for larger picture). source: Nepal Human Development Report 1998.

The fact that Kathmandu is the most developed city in Nepal is both both the cause and effect of the city being the capital of Nepal. Hence, blaming outsiders for the disorder in Kathmandu and not thanking them for the development of the city at the the cost of their own native cities and villages is a very uncivilized thing to do.

Some in today’s meeting of high level Maoist leadership have proposed Chitwan as the new capital of the country. Many think such talks by leaders are more related to influencing the land-prices than addressing real problems. Despite that, I support the proposal. Many years ago, (in the 50s or the 60s) somebody had proposed (in Nepal’s parliament) moving the capital to Pokhara. That was an idea whose time had come. Rapidly decentralizing Nepal has no substitute, especially if we keep talking of democracy and inclusiveness.

In today’s Maoist meeting itself, some leaders reportedly opposed the choice of Chitwan because of it being a district near to India. Now, can there be a comment more naive than that? Will Nepal be able to defend the supposed Indian attack if it ever takes place? And has India been unable to do so because of Kathmandu being surrounding by hills and a little (some 40-50 km air distance from Chitwan) far off from India ?

Or have we not been able to accelerate our development because of that highly-protective and defensive mentality (read inferior-complex) of ours? I think Nepal owes that mentality to the city of Kathmandu. It’s time for us to get rid of that.

After I covered the declaration of Momoland and Tuppiwan last week, I got an email from one particular ‘entity‘ inside present-day Nepal who called himself (or herself) Robot. He claimed to be the spokesperson of a separatist movement “Buttoms Liberation.” He informed me that they were making preparations to declare an independent nation of “Andoland.” After some exchanges, I was interested enough to ask him for an online-interview. I am publishing the interview in two parts. This post is part two of the series. (Click here for part one).

Excerpts:

This is getting very uncomfortable and illogical.

No wonder. We are so a*holes that even when I am giving this interview, I fear of revealing my true identity. While we are declaring a new country, we fear of laying claim on any territories, while we are declaring independence, we fear of coming out in the open and make a public announcement. In fact, our community is inherently the most inclusive, democratic of all communities. Lips envy each other at their pout-ability and kiss-ability. Eyes, brains, hands, muscles, noses, breasts, genitals, buttocks, legs- all of them compare, fight, conspire against, and envy each other. All of them are un-inclusive, unequal, and disproportionate by their very natures. We a*holes are a very inclusive, progressive and democratic society. All of us are similar in shape, size, color, kind and function. There’s no comparison, envy, none among us is more beautiful, privileged or stronger than the others. We are very humble, dutiful and industrious beings. I don’t think you have to feel uncomfortable because of us.

So, is this a country for some pieces of flesh, and not actual people?

Let me be clear here. We aren’t a group of certain professionals, ethnicities, language, caste, sex or so on. We are very diverse, of all groups and walks in life. But we don’t care about what gum you are going to chew for the bus-ride or what dress you are going to wear for that bath. Of course we have our opinions and perspectives too, but we think it is for the better prepared and specialized ones to deal with that. We deal with our work, things we are better prepared and specialized for. We want to be able to do what we are good at, and without any sorts of disturbance in the name of all your nation-building. You can chew your gum, but let me walk to my office for work. You can choose your dress for bath, but give me a place to go when I am chased by thugs.

Unfortunately, this was asking for too much. So, we chose to take the tough way.

What is the name of your country?

We have proposed the name Andoland. But it will be decided after the first election takes place. Same with the flag.

What territories?

We are in a publicity (प्रचारात्मक) campaign right now. We haven’t laid claims on any territory. And we don’t think we will be successful in getting the international recognition for our borders right now. So, we have decided to run our government on exile and on the internet. We will keep fighting for a physical territory for ourselves, but in the meantime, we aren’t going to stop for the lack of it. There are many new countries in the world whose borders are not recognized by the international community.

A government on the Internet? That sounds ridiculous !

As I told you, we are the most democratic and inclusive lot. Currently, we don’t have a government, just a few founding fathers and a “binders” body. The basic principles laid down by them for the founding of the country will be our guidelines. People agreeing with these principles are welcome to be the citizens of our glorious nation. A constitution will be written based on these principles, and an election for the government will be held later. The government will have very powers just enough for monitoring and regulating the system. All the citizens will be the members of our parliament on the internet. Discussions on legislation, voting, legal disputes, all will be done on the internet. This will make our governance very participatory and inclusive. There will be regular referendums on all major issues, and the government will only have the powers to enact the motions approved by the parliament. The principles laid down by the founding fathers include free internet access to all, equal influence of all citizens in governance and guarantee of all natural rights to all citizens. For more details, you’ll have to wait before we release a draft of our first constitution in our parliament for review.

Are you serious? This all sounds very dreamy.

Yes, it does. But we are very serious. As I told you, these values like inclusion, solidarity, freedom and democracy are our inherent values, we don’t need to try to adapt to them. In fact, in the long future, we hope that a*holes from all over the world, declare independence from their own countries and work towards forming a global federation of a*holes’ countries. As the first independent a*holes, we will use our influence and strength to support the rebellion of a*holes in other parts of the world. Call it an a*hole empire if you like but who knows, in the future that you and I won’t live to see, these a*holes may succeed in establishing a global unified state (or non-state) that will be an ideal of democracy, freedom, solidarity and prosperity. I have a firm belief that if all the a*holes all around the world unite for this dream, then we will soon achieve this new height of civilization. We have nothing to loose.

Mr. Robot, It was very nice talking to you. I look forward to talking to you in the future about this interesting phenomenon. If my readers happen to be interested in your ideas, I will come again for an interview. Before ending, could you please tell my readers how one gets to be a citizen of your country?

The pleasure is all mine Shoonya. Thanks for giving us this opportunity. Well, everybody who agrees with, and commits himself to the founding principles of our country can be a citizen.

We welcome all like-thinking people to revolt from their countries, and join our glorious country.

Readers with questions for Robot: please send it as comment below, or send me a mail at shoonya3 at gmail.com and I’ll forward them to him/her.

After I covered the declaration of Momoland and Tuppiwan last week, I got an email from one particular ‘entity’ inside present-day Nepal who called himself (or herself) Robot. He claimed to be the spokesperson of a separatist movement “Buttoms Liberation.” He informed me that they were making preparations to declare an independent nation of “Andoland.” After some exchanges, I was interested enough to ask him for an online-interview. I am publishing the interview in two parts. This post is part one of the series. (Click here for part two).

Excerpts:

Shoonya: So, you are declaring an independent country in itself?

Robot: Yes. We have decided that that is the only way we can secure a place where our rights are safeguarded and concerns are heard. We are no more interested in the present day country of Nepal. That is because we don’t have the slightest of faith in our interests being addressed by this completely failed system of mess. We have been wronged, humiliated, kept systematically out of the mainstream and given deferential treatment for too long. We have decided that we have had enough.

Doesn’t that amount to the violation of the interim constitution of Nepal?

It doesn’t apply to us. First of all, we no longer care about the constitution of Nepal. Even if we were too, observing from the ongoing developments, this wouldn’t amount to the violation of the constitution. The interim constitution of your country mentions about Nepal being a federal state, with several provinces/states. Look around you, people are declaring ‘autonomous republics,’ which is not what was visioned in the interim constitution. If states or provinces can be intrepreted to be equivalent to ‘autonomous republics,’ we may as well extend that definition to encompass ‘independent countries.’ We are glad that you picked on this in your writing, but look at the press and opinion in Nepal- all the criticisms are against ignoring the mandate of the Constituent Assembly, and not about violating the very spirit of the constitution. They are very sensitive about each word in other legal documents, but choose to ignore a very distasteful misinterpretation of the words and spirit of the supreme law.

Couldn’t you have taken your concerns for hearing within the existing system? The constituent assembly is writing a constitution – you could have lobbied for your concerns. There are many rights-organizations, political bodies, civil societies that could have supported your demands for greater inclusion and rights. It looks like you are more interested in spreading instability than getting your demands addressed.

Your question implies that the civil societies and other actors are unaware of our plight which is a very misleading and dangerous implication. But this is not unexpected. In fact, this is the most-asked question to us. I’d like to repeat that we have lost all our interest and faith in your system. We think it is easier for us to run a country of our own than asking for redressal in Nepal.

Why do you think so ?

Most thinkers – though we don’t think they are capable of thinking – in the system are too engrossed in the grand debates of proportionate inclusion, federalism, whether to call it a insurgency or a people’s war, whether to dry the linen in a nylon rope or a PVC-cord, whether to wear a black cap with white tunic or a grey cap with a pink underwear, deciding from the measurement of a person’s stomach’s stiffness whether he had a bottle of whiskey or a sip of coke, whether somebody is progressive or regressive, never-ending meetings with one foreigner or the other, with one leader or the other, demonstration and strikes, whether this and that bull shit, all yack, yack, yack.

We can’t participate in such debates, it’s out of the question and our limited ability. It’s like asking an atheist to choose the most proper religious text to be read out in a religious ceremony. Despite not being good at this all, we have written many times to the public personalities in Nepal asking them to give some thought on our conditions and address our issues. We don’t know if they didn’t understand us, or were uninterested or thought that ignoring the voices of non-entities like us would not matter much. After all, there are many important subjects like the ones mentioned above for the whole opinion-makers and influencers of Nepal to concentrate on. A slight deviation or lack of concentration would mean disaster for Nepal.

You have been repeatedly talking of the plight of this community you claim to represent. Who are you all actually?

We are a*holes.

Excuse me ?

Yes, you heard it right.

An ass-hole

Could you please elaborate? Are you some kind of punk band, hippie-kids or members of the more later cult of hip-hop? Please remember that you are on-record for a prestigious blog in the region.

Some of us might be, in fact, some of us might even be like one of you – though it clearly seems you are not – we are a diverse group of people, of all races, cultures, sex, origin, profession and personal values. But there’s a very strong and common binding factor in all of us – we all are a*holes.

And how’s that? How are you all what you say you are?

See, we are the most neglected and depressed – everybody sits on on, shits on us – part of the body, underbelly is a lot more privileged than us. We are out of sight of the eyes and out of consideration of the head. Our voice is the most despised of all sounds. We don’t claim to be the most useful, powerful or brilliant of all body-parts, but we definitely are very necessary and important. But other parts of the body have never given it a thought. They are still thinking that this can continue. And they are to be blamed for all this – the heads, eyes, hands, lips, legs, bellies, even our own neighbors- the buttocks.

One of the Southasian headlines last week had to do with federalism. The announcement by the Indian government of its plan for the state of Telangana in the present-day Andhra Pradesh created waves of sorts. A large team of state ministers resigned, claims for other new states – mainly in Uttar Pradesh – surfaced, and the ongoing struggle for Gorkhaland found reasons to feel betrayed.

The proposed flags for the autonomous state Momoland

Federalism is the ‘in-thing’ in Nepal these days. The Maoists have started declaring ‘autonomous republics’ in various parts of the country and they’ve already called a three-day general strike next-week, in support of their call. Why and how have the Maoist Party’s (UCPN- Maoist) earlier demands for states (rajya, राज्य) based on ethnicity transformed into the recent calls for autonomous republics (autonomous ganarajya, स्वायत्त गणराज्य) based on ‘nationality’ remains a mystery. The logic behind the demarcation of such republics appears:

• at best, to appease the voters in the form of underrepresented ethnic-minorities and
• at worst, arbitrary

There are disputes within the Maoist party regarding the number, nature and borders of such republics. Various other forms of autonomous states are also proposed by other groups, both heard and unheard of. Some fringe parties and groups have been protesting against federalism itself (and for highly decentralized governance) while others are demanding that to-be or not-to-be federal be decided by a referendum. Whatever comes out of this hurlyburly in Nepali politics is out of the foresight of an ordinary citizen like me.

Maoist have called a general-strike in support of their 'autonomous-republics' declaration

Meanwhile, some people have demanded a “Kaanth” (काँठ) state (link in Nepali) in the areas surrounding the Kathmandu city. Disappointed of all the news surrounding the states and reservations for non Brahmin-Kshetri in all public-positions, the Brahmin-Kshetris (they are the largest ethnic group in Nepal) have started demanding (a) state(s) of their own. News of such demands from the far-eastern district of Jhapa (link in Nepali) and the central district of Chitwan (link in Nepali) were published last week.

In an unreported incident, two of my friends have, for the first time, announced plans for their own states. One comes from the Western region and the other hails from Kathmandu. Amidst a tea-shop ceremony yesterday, the Momoland (म:म: ल्याण्ड) and Tuppiwaan (टुप्पि वान) states were declared. Speaking on the occasion, they threatened to take up arms if their demands were neglected. They said that any attempts against their movements may result in separatist movements. In front of a very excited audience in the packed-room, the leaders released the initial designs of the flags for their states.

The proposed flags for the autonomous state Tuppiwaan

The leader of the Momoland Liberation Party informed me that the dumplings that give the name of the state will be the symbol of national-unity in Momoland, while the fatigue-dressed leader of Tuppiwaan National Congress said that his state will adopt monarchical system of governance. Both the leaders have agreed to join hands in their fight for self-determination and liberation. They have inked a secret deal with promises of mutual-cooperation between the two states and of joint-struggle if needed, against any outside aggression. As an insider, I know of at least one another point of mutual agreement: both the states will grant citizenship to any beautiful woman upon entry into the state, but such privilege will not be extended for a woman’s spouse, who could instead be exiled from the state at any time, without providing any reason. The leaders both the states will be engaging in further discussion next week and come up with further points of agreement.

• MoMo is a popular food in Kathmandu.
• Tuppi is a lock of hair left on top of the shaven head of a male Hindu priest.
• The term “ganarajya” गणराज्य, translated to English means ‘republic’, the Czech Republic is called Czech Ganarajya in Nepali- here’s a link to a Hindi-English dictionary translation.