After I covered the declaration of Momoland and Tuppiwan last week, I got an email from one particular ‘entity‘ inside present-day Nepal who called himself (or herself) Robot. He claimed to be the spokesperson of a separatist movement “Buttoms Liberation.” He informed me that they were making preparations to declare an independent nation of “Andoland.” After some exchanges, I was interested enough to ask him for an online-interview. I am publishing the interview in two parts. This post is part two of the series. (Click here for part one).
Excerpts:
This is getting very uncomfortable and illogical.
No wonder. We are so a*holes that even when I am giving this interview, I fear of revealing my true identity. While we are declaring a new country, we fear of laying claim on any territories, while we are declaring independence, we fear of coming out in the open and make a public announcement. In fact, our community is inherently the most inclusive, democratic of all communities. Lips envy each other at their pout-ability and kiss-ability. Eyes, brains, hands, muscles, noses, breasts, genitals, buttocks, legs- all of them compare, fight, conspire against, and envy each other. All of them are un-inclusive, unequal, and disproportionate by their very natures. We a*holes are a very inclusive, progressive and democratic society. All of us are similar in shape, size, color, kind and function. There’s no comparison, envy, none among us is more beautiful, privileged or stronger than the others. We are very humble, dutiful and industrious beings. I don’t think you have to feel uncomfortable because of us.
So, is this a country for some pieces of flesh, and not actual people?
Let me be clear here. We aren’t a group of certain professionals, ethnicities, language, caste, sex or so on. We are very diverse, of all groups and walks in life. But we don’t care about what gum you are going to chew for the bus-ride or what dress you are going to wear for that bath. Of course we have our opinions and perspectives too, but we think it is for the better prepared and specialized ones to deal with that. We deal with our work, things we are better prepared and specialized for. We want to be able to do what we are good at, and without any sorts of disturbance in the name of all your nation-building. You can chew your gum, but let me walk to my office for work. You can choose your dress for bath, but give me a place to go when I am chased by thugs.
Unfortunately, this was asking for too much. So, we chose to take the tough way.
What is the name of your country?
We have proposed the name Andoland. But it will be decided after the first election takes place. Same with the flag.
What territories?
We are in a publicity (प्रचारात्मक) campaign right now. We haven’t laid claims on any territory. And we don’t think we will be successful in getting the international recognition for our borders right now. So, we have decided to run our government on exile and on the internet. We will keep fighting for a physical territory for ourselves, but in the meantime, we aren’t going to stop for the lack of it. There are many new countries in the world whose borders are not recognized by the international community.
A government on the Internet? That sounds ridiculous !
As I told you, we are the most democratic and inclusive lot. Currently, we don’t have a government, just a few founding fathers and a “binders” body. The basic principles laid down by them for the founding of the country will be our guidelines. People agreeing with these principles are welcome to be the citizens of our glorious nation. A constitution will be written based on these principles, and an election for the government will be held later. The government will have very powers just enough for monitoring and regulating the system. All the citizens will be the members of our parliament on the internet. Discussions on legislation, voting, legal disputes, all will be done on the internet. This will make our governance very participatory and inclusive. There will be regular referendums on all major issues, and the government will only have the powers to enact the motions approved by the parliament. The principles laid down by the founding fathers include free internet access to all, equal influence of all citizens in governance and guarantee of all natural rights to all citizens. For more details, you’ll have to wait before we release a draft of our first constitution in our parliament for review.
Are you serious? This all sounds very dreamy.
Yes, it does. But we are very serious. As I told you, these values like inclusion, solidarity, freedom and democracy are our inherent values, we don’t need to try to adapt to them. In fact, in the long future, we hope that a*holes from all over the world, declare independence from their own countries and work towards forming a global federation of a*holes’ countries. As the first independent a*holes, we will use our influence and strength to support the rebellion of a*holes in other parts of the world. Call it an a*hole empire if you like but who knows, in the future that you and I won’t live to see, these a*holes may succeed in establishing a global unified state (or non-state) that will be an ideal of democracy, freedom, solidarity and prosperity. I have a firm belief that if all the a*holes all around the world unite for this dream, then we will soon achieve this new height of civilization. We have nothing to loose.
Mr. Robot, It was very nice talking to you. I look forward to talking to you in the future about this interesting phenomenon. If my readers happen to be interested in your ideas, I will come again for an interview. Before ending, could you please tell my readers how one gets to be a citizen of your country?
The pleasure is all mine Shoonya. Thanks for giving us this opportunity. Well, everybody who agrees with, and commits himself to the founding principles of our country can be a citizen.
We welcome all like-thinking people to revolt from their countries, and join our glorious country.
Readers with questions for Robot: please send it as comment below, or send me a mail at shoonya3 at gmail.com and I’ll forward them to him/her.
Picture Sources: top , middle , bottom.
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